Family Therapy


Parent-Child Contact Problems

When a child resists or refuses time and contact with a parent, or there has been a time of separation between a parent a child, it can be difficult for everyone involved.

There are many reasons the parent-child relationship breaks down:

  • misattuned parenting

  • loyalty pressures

  • lack of supportive and child-focused cooperation between parents

  • polarization between parents, including frequent litigation or threat of litigation

  • wildly disparate parenting styles between a child’s parents

  • frightening or abusive behavior from a parent

  • family or individual using anxiety and avoidance as relational habits

  • developmental and neurodevelopmental

Reunification therapy is a type of family therapy. It is a whole family-based intervention for parent-child contact problems. Parent-child contact problems can be understood as a family system that implicitly endorses the rejection of a parent, though not always equally or innocently. Our task is to understand the function that rejection serves and help the system move toward healthier adaptations. It aims to restore a strained or disrupted relationship between a child and a parent when facing the challenges of a high-conflict coparenting dynamic.

To repeat, a child’s resistance can be shaped by many things such as past experiences with either parent, loyalty conflicts, ongoing tension between parents, the child’s age and temperament, and the stress of the separation itself. Family (re)unification therapy considers the whole family system and doesn’t assign blame. Parent-child contact problems are seen as a family issue and treated as such, with everyone playing their part in restoration.

What makes reunification therapy different from traditional therapy

  • It is often court-ordered.

  • It is structured and active

  • It involves coordination of a team. I will communicate with attorneys, evaluators, other therapists, guardians ad litem, and the court, within the limits of the court order and signed releases.

  • Confidentiality is limited. Reports on progress and barriers may be shared with the court or other professionals, and I may be asked to testify. I review these limits with every family before we begin.

  • Growth can feel uncomfortable at first. Reconnecting can bring up anxiety, anger, grief, or guilt in the short term, and are gradually reduced through positive, restorative experiences.

A child-centered approach

My work begins by centering the child’s experience. Before asking a child to move toward a parent, I want to fully grasp what is a struggle for the child, what are the sticking points, and any unresolved pain beneath the resistance, since resistance is information about how a child adapts to their circumstances and how they are making sense of their history.

In practice, that looks like many sessions building rapport with a child before the non-preferred parent is brought into sessions. I work separately with both parents to support the child in the reparative process.

Children are given space to be heard, and their feelings are taken seriously. At the same time, they are not asked to carry adult decisions or choose between their parents. Nor are they encouraged to maintain avoidance and anxiety. Their perspective guides the pace and focus of our work within the expectation of working through problems. It also assumes a child is part of a larger family system, and for that reason, everyone in the family engages in the reunification therapy.

The Goal

The goal is a parent-child relationship that is safer and more connected. The child is no longer caught in the middle or asked to bear adult burdens, and the family learns how to make repairs. The family and the child increase their confidence to do hard things and face fears.

Common Questions

How do I begin?

Family therapy begins with meeting with all of a child’s parents and/or caregivers individually. Once I’ve gained this overview of the situation, I will meet individually with the child(ren). From there, sessions will focus on working with the child’s perception with a focus on safety, building resilience, and capacity to process a broken relationship with a parent.

How long does it take?

Reunification and building family capacity for resilience is based on many factors, including the role of the court. There is no definitive set of sessions in order for return of custody or restoration of parenting time, and those issues are not within my scope to decide. My work focuses on the relational aspect and for a parent and child to feel more connected and safe.

Speaking of custody, can you make a recommendation?

I cannot. I can recommend certain forms of contact as part of family therapy, but cannot determine parenting time. That is within the court’s purview. However, if you are seeking recommendations for visitation or custody, there is a way to involve a mental health professional in seeking that information. A custodial evaluation can be ordered by the court just for that purpose.

Will you come testify at my hearing?

I am available to testify in cases. However, I remain child-centered and neutral and stick to reporting observable behavior that impacts children.

What is the cost?

Court-involved cases are currently $160 per hour. My hourly rate applies to meetings with attorneys, long emails to multiple providers, and conversations exceeding a 15-20 minute phone call. However, I do not “nickel and dime” families and work to minimize costs where possible.